Me Tarzan, You Jane

Today we are going to talk about the story of Tarzan and Jane. I’m sure some of you, if not most of you remember the story of Tarzan. Tarzan is one of the all-time great iconic figures up there with Sherlock Holmes, Dracula and Batman. The moment you say the name everyone can picture him swinging from branch to branch crying, "Ooooh -uouoh-uouoh.” Tarzan was born in the African jungle of Congo. After the death of his parents when he was a baby, he was taken and raised by an ape. He grew up knowing nothing of his human life, always thinking that he was an ape. Later, Jane arrives in the jungle and he falls in love with her.

The story of Tarzan firstly teaches us that great communication is often not in what we say, but how we say it. To prove this point, Tarzan who was raised as an ape and does not know English, with just one word “UMGAWA,” was able to get whatever he needed at the time. Picture him caught among feuding natives with spears flying past his head. He calls out, “UMGAWA!” and the elephants and tigers come running to his rescue. He goes to his tree house, relaxes and quietly says, “Umgawa” to Cheetah. Cheetah (his monkey for those of you who don’t know the Tarzan story) simply goes straight for a banana and brings it back to Tarzan. Jane enters the tree house and he seductively says, “Umgawa.” You can fill in the blanks on that one. How did the wild animals, Cheetah, and Jane all know just what Tarzan wanted? He said exactly the same thing to all three. It wasn’t what he said; it was in how he said it. His pitch, power, pace and pause all factored in to how his message was received.

Secondly Tarzan teaches us the importance of body language. Because of the language barrier between Tarzan and Jane, they both had to heavily rely on each others body language. Just by looking at Jane’s slumped shoulders Tarzan could decipher that she was sad, or by looking at the twinkle in Tarzan’s eyes Jane could figure that he was excited.

Finally, the story of Tarzan teaches us that in relationships we are to learn each other languages. In the case of Tarzan, he learnt some English and was able to finally say, “Me Tarzan, You Jane.” In our scenario today, we too can learn each others languages, specifically each others love languages.

While the book about Tarzan and the Apes was written in 1912, fast forward to 2012, while the Nigerian songstress Yemi Alade was looking for her Johnny, this Jayne was looking for Tarzan. And there he was … tall, dark and gorgeous, TDG. To top it all off, he didn't tick any of the boxes I'd imagined he would too. He was a complete surprise, a beautiful one. That being said, I still played hard to get. He must have had a lot of patience with me because. I said to him, "Sorry, I’m not interested in a relationship right now.” But he persisted, and his patience paid off. I always believed that love is about finding a person makes your heart sing. And he made my heart soar!

We started dating and had a great relationship, but then after the honeymoon phase our inability to learn each others love languages began to strain the relationship. You see, I’m the type of person who needs words of affirmation, such as being told, “I love you,” to feel loved. He, on the other hand, needed physical touch to feel loved. But we both didn’t take the time to learn each others love languages and after two years of bottling things up, one day I woke up and I just felt I couldn’t go on. “TDG, I can’t do this anymore. I think we should break up.”

“Why?” he said. “I-I don’t understand. I thought we were happy. I thought we were in love.” We were in love, but I had failed to communicate to him which love language I spoke and how I needed to be loved. I had failed in my communication, he had failed in his, and as a result our relationship suffered for it.

How many times do we let our inability to communicate effectively get in the way of what we want? How many times do we ruin relationships, both in our personal and professional lives because we either say nothing, or burst out in rage?

Communication is an art, which we are privileged to learn at Toastmasters. Toastmasters gives us the ability to communicate how we feel about something or someone through our words, our vocal variety and our body language. When these three elements align, as with Tarzan and Jane, something beautiful happens. You are then able to have meaningful conversations with your significant other, and effectively communicate with and understand each other.

If you master the art of communication in relationships, you too will become like Tarzan, and be the King of the Jungle. We can certainly learn a lot from him. After all, Tarzan got the girl!